Every morning at approx. 6 in the am, a man named, let’s call him Captain, has devised a little poem if you will. It goes something like this:
What you call tall is small,
Top it off, don’t leave any room for cream,
put the lid on right so the hole is opposite from the seam,
double – cup it, and no sleeve. Oh, and no green stick thingy (or something like that)
This satirical chorus has been enjoyed by baristas at my store for years now, and has become pretty old. We’ve come to the point where we prepare the Captain’s coffee in advance in order for him not to recite his verse. Especially since its just the equivalent to ordering a “tall coffee” in Starbucks lingo.
Despite his worn out jokes (“who’s the daughter of Peggy Matra? Sumatra“), the Captain is truly a facetious character. This really is just his way of making fun of the “long and wordy and complicated” orders people made when they got to the counter. I asked the Captain to write down his verse just to be clear on why he insisted on ordering like this, and the more I looked into it, the more evident his point was. Our customers do get ridiculous when ordering their drinks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to be specific, but i swear some of us are doing this for the sake of just being complicated. Why did Starbucks have to make the ordering process so complicated anyways?
I mean, if you are one of these people (you know who you are), more power to you. I am glad you chose Starbucks as your preferred method of acquiring your caffeine for the day and we’re happy to make your drink again if it wasn’t up to par (we can afford to, we ARE Starbucks in case you forgot). We also hope you enjoy the shit out of the drink you made such a big deal out of, you certainly paid the price tag to do do.
Just please don’t freak out if your latte isn’t exactly 125 degrees (you probably wouldn’t even know it). Also, we’ll make sure to try to accomplish everything you made me write on a rounded paper surface that is your cup. Just don’t freak out if I couldn’t get it all the first time, you were probably talking too fast anyways, and I will forget what you said.
Unless it rhymes, then maybe you’ll end up getting a blog post as well.